Small funeral moments that help you say goodbye at a funeral can leave a lasting memory with friends and family. They don’t have to be showy but can add to the memories the deceased has left behind.
Here are five simple ways to add a thoughtful moment to the funeral ceremony you are organising.
Taking a Flower
This was something I saw at a ceremony I did very recently. It was a simple small act at the end of the funeral and has certainly stayed with me.
As friends and family left the crematorium, they were asked to take a flower from the coffin floral arrangement. Everyone stood quietly in line and chose a flower that appealed to them. It felt like a final gift from the deceased to her loved ones.
It also meant that the beautiful coffin spray wasn’t left outside to battle the elements and be eaten by rabbits. The flowers went home with people who appreciated their beauty and meaning.
The remaining flowers were gathered and returned to the care home where the deceased had lived. Then distributed to residents who couldn’t attend but could still be part of the ceremony.
I think the simplicity of the ritual has stuck with me because I haven’t seen it done before. All it took was a short announcement by myself before the final song, so everyone knew what to do as they left.
Lighting a Candle
This small funeral moment helps you say goodbye as it can set the scene for silent reflection and prayer and be a calming gesture before the Committal.
Personally, I find flames peaceful to watch. They remind me of coal fires at my parent’s house, but they also connect with something comforting and primaeval. Fire keeps us safe and warm; maybe this is one of the reasons people feel a sense of reassurance when a candle is lit during the funeral ceremony.
Be aware that not all churches, crematoria, or funeral venues are happy with real naked flames. Call beforehand, so no one rushes your consoling moment of candlelight with a fire extinguisher.
Sharing a Poem Card
Instead of having an Order of Service (or as well as), you can give out a Poem Card as a small funeral moment that helps you say goodbye.
You can include a poem read at the funeral or one that you think people will find uplifting later. Or you can have the lyrics of the deceased’s favourite song or a message from them to friends and family. These cards are usually the same size as a credit card, making excellent mementoes that can be tucked into wallets and bags.
Giving a Plant
This small leafy funeral moment that helps you say goodbye doesn’t have to be the whole plant or something big in a pot.
At a friend’s mum’s ceremony, the family created a basket of rosemary sprigs for attendees to take with them as they arrived at the funeral. Not only do you have the green leaves to view, but with rosemary, there is a wondrous perfume that will link you to past and present memories.
You can use rosemary, too, as its meaning is linked to friendship, remembrance and love, but you can also use the deceased’s favourite herb, flower, or seeds.
Sharing a favourite…sweet, drink, or food
This takes a little more organisation, especially the beverage one, as you need an individual container for each funeral attendee. However, this small funeral moment can help you say goodbye as it invites attendees to return to a memory of the deceased using their sense of taste.
If you can, you might buy tiny mini-bar bottles to give out. Alternatively, you could put together a small package of sweets or favourite food for each person who came to support you at the ceremony.
Final Thoughts
You may have other small funeral moments that will make a significant impact as you say goodbye to your loved one. The main thing is you should choose something that helps you remember your person in the best way possible.
Talk to your funeral director and the person giving the ceremony to see what options are available to you in your venue.
And if you have any ideas you would like to share or questions you would like to ask, you can message me at enquiry@momentsto.co.uk or leave your thoughts in the comments box.
Take care,
Sarah x
